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Hello

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen. Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me.

Dragon Cave: Adopt one today! A hermit with a computer and too much empty time. This is where I can empty my mind and express parts of myself. I talk about whatever I feel like talking about. Mature / adult topics, strong language, mental health, vent, etc...

Site info...

The appearance is inspired by tumblr blog themes.

09_01_2026

A vent before bed.

Suicidality...

I felt worthless and cried. I wonder what would happen if I died. Like, what would people say about me? I feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. I'm not memorable, not a fun person to be around, not reliable or resourceful. I'm a failure.

Everything just feels so wrong lately and I could've sworn I was doing fine in the beginning of last year. My mind's falling apart, the home is falling apart, the world is falling apart. And what have I been doing for my entire life? I don't know. Being sad and dumb and traumatized, I guess.

I hurt myself. I've attempted suicide several times in the past, though none of those times brought me to the hospital. I remember looking at a bottle of one of my meds, tempted. I'm just done with everything. Send me to hell already. Lord knows that I'm not worth the gum stuck on the bottom of someone's shoe. My entire life has been a waste, from my birth to now. Used and abused. I wasn't supposed to have been born. I was a mistake from the beginning and I continue being a mistake to this day.

Also the world is full of so much hatred. It makes me choke on my own breath and wanna vomit my guts out. I look at myself and wonder, "Why does the world hate me so goddamn much?"

I know this is a different tone from my last post but these feelings have been brewing for months and I had to get them out.

Goodnight.

07_01_2026

Since my younger sibling is visiting for a bit, we went to the beach today. My sibling found a decently sized seashell. I found a few seashells plus some rocks. I want to know more about rocks so that I can identify them.

The sky today...

landscape photo the blue sky with puffy white clouds

When we came home, I received the gift tha tI had bought myself for Christmas... A Persona 3 bag.

gekkoukan high school shoulder bag from the video game persona 3

I am glad that I watched Code Geass. Given everything that's been going on... I hold what the anime represents in my heart. Sometimes I pray for strength. Although I feel like it's better to just... come to terms with things and live the best you can.

04_01_2026

I'm using petrapixel's layout generator now. I like it. I tried learning eleventy. It didn't work lol. But maybe next time?

Besides that... I dunno. Lots of horrible things going on. Living in spite of it all. I wrote a thing so now with the base set-up, I can finally work on some other pages.

screenshot of a blue mecha dragon from the browser game dragon cave

I love Dragon Cave. I got all the Zyumorphs and summoned a Sinomorph with the name sswpr which sounds like "super". It's such a small thing but I feel like crap and this put a smile on my face. Thank you. ;w;